I feel terrible

I came here to talk about my experience. I don’t have a good topic for today other than I hate to fail. Who doesn’t?

I can’t stop myself from eating. It’s an addiction. Anyone who doesn’t think it is, hasn’t been addicted to eating. I want to just stop. It seems like I should be able to “just stop” but it isn’t working that way. Part of my problem is that I spend too much time at home. I get cooped up in here wandering in thought and feel as if I want to eat.

For a long time, I have fought mental illness. I have a traumatic brain injury amongst some other choice jargon. Because of my struggle, I gave into my eating habits and boy are they hard to reverse. I let myself eat whatever I wanted. I ate to be happy. I ate when I was stressed. I ate just to eat. I’m guilty as an over eater hands down.

But, when I went to reverse this kindling of my life, I’m finding it tears into my happiness. I even feel a little depressed about not being able to indulge in my favorite foods. I keep pushing the thoughts in my head to remember that the changes I am making is to embark a change: weight loss. I want to be at a healthy weight more than anything else. That should be enough to quit eating bad food!!

The other obstacle I face is that I live right next door to a grocery store. Seems nice, eh? Not after you’ve slaved your mind to the store every becking call of your stomach.

All and all, I need some help here. How can I recoupe my mind to eat when I need to not just any time?

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Perception

Feeling good is generally how we want to feel. We may feel uncomfortable if things aren’t in place. It comes down to perception of reality when making decisions. Some decisions are made in order to help us become more comfortable.

088This is a piece of my crochet work. It can be easy to get off a stitch on either end and after that first stitch, it keeps progressing further inward. The result is a lopsided square, a quadrilateral that feels like it needs undone and redone correctly. The person who requested this is a friend of mine and the intended use would be acceptable for this [sort of] square figure. I proceed. Reaching the end, I decided I could repair this anomaly by adding an extra row and a half.

What I found is that there is a right angle – a perfect square corner, the right corner – and when the flat edge is on the bottom, closest to you, the upper dis-configuration is softened by the exactness its counterpart.

In the end, I feel okay about it. The proportions are better but maybe it was okay how it was. The mind doesn’t mind that it was lopsided, but the repair makes it feel more full. I’ll let it be what it is.