I have new hopes…

Have you ever felt as if your electronics were working against you? I HAVE! Weight Watchers is mostly over except collecting a series of recipes for my personal use. I got sick of fighting the weight watcher’s app… logging me out multiple times per day, difficult to navigate; it wasn’t worth a fight. I asked for a refund due to app dysfunction; it wasn’t just me, this was discussed during my local weight watcher meeting.. nothing, no response. Plus i was prematurely charged for an extra month of which i had to request a refund.

On the contrary, I have lost a bit of weight. Seems that time and study have been the only things contributing to my change in eating habits. Also, I got into a drunken, screaming argument with a friend (relative by marriage). A ride home from a cop and waking up the next day, I had a head change.

I rarely drink… probably because sober me keeps my mouth shut. I am generally a friendly, helpful person, even while drinking. I barely ever leave home! There’s no need to excrement that type of energy ever but it had been a long time coming. I won’t be drinking much anymore. Sometimes a heavy event can change your whole mindset. This is proof. Maybe we do need a outburst every once in awhile. I feel I can barely eat after that occurrence.

Shouldn’t have happened; glad it happened in the way it did. Nonetheless, I haven’t been craving sweets like I used to. I am going to take full advantage of this opportunity to hold this mindset and FINALLY lose the weight.

Weight: 240-ish
Goal #1: 200 lbs

 

Lavash

Joseph’s Lavash wraps are a lifesaver. I’ve been eating them for quite some time now, but as I transition, it puts a huge smile on healthy living.

From the deep roots of Armenian culture, I feel honored to have found this production and packaging on my grocer’s shelf. Even though it was brought to me far from its origination – not to mention inauthenticity, name brand and factory processing – it adds a depth to my healthful plate of mind.

High in protein and fiber, these monsters are 10″ x 14″ – Helluva wrap! Enjoy.

Come and Go

My plan settles into the background while I sit down with chili filled cheese and crackers. The next couple days of spaghetti were no less fortune filled while I gobbled my way through multiple bowls and a box of garlic bread. I failed again.

Astral projection and some empty space later, I find my threshold, then a pot of chicken soup. Hearty. Vegetable. Simple. This, not any less contribution, led me to the supermarket – a sale – to find a one day markdown on Simple Life brand (organic, natural line of food) of chicken breasts and power greens. JUST. IN. TIME.

 

 

SO easy

I promise not to rave over and over about how fucking easy weight watchers makes portion control and regulating my eating habits. It doesn’t feel right but I’m going to let it fix me – the consumption part of me, anyway . My perceptions could be based upon my troubled eating past… if you’ve followed along you see the difficulties I’ve faced. It was a non winning battle in my mind. I have to maintain this simple path is the key.

Without thought I would cook a pot of chili, eat multiple bowls of it plus a roll of crackers and a cup of cheese and say fuck it. I’ve added a couple cans of extra stewed tomatoes, cut the crackers, threw out the cheese and that puts me on a roll. The high protein/fiber content lowers the consumption to a minimal level. Eat chili – put hamburger in it (WHO CARES!). I can eat two to three cups of it and that’s acceptable. Acceptable not only by calorie count, but also by consumptive quantity. I have to feed my HUGE appetite.

HELLO WINTERTIME SOUPS!

Early December Chili
Thursday, December 1, 2016

2 lbs Ground beef (drained and squeezed)
Two large cans crushed toms
Three small cans stewed tomatoes
Two cans kidney beans (drained)
One can (one hot one mild) chili beans
2 onions

1 green pepper

4 jalapenos (can’t find the n-yey)
Chili powder and cumin

peace-signs2

EAT. BE HAPPY.

 

New Plan

I feel downgraded by joining a “program” but I did. I joined weight watchers last night and while reviewing its criterion, I see that I had too many factors going haywire. Using the system feels like a monkey; it’s so easy it feels like cheating. I have to be sure to implement all the things I’ve learned about the mind because the learning is limited to choose, click and eat. Sure there are tons of articles and recipes to learn from, but my own personal learning will take me much further in this pursuit to feeling healthier. It gives me a way to be accountable for what I’m doing and consuming.

First dinner:

4oz salmon
2tsp. EVOO
12oz brussel sprouts

Seems impossible this [jump start] wouldn’t work, following the struggles I’ve been facing. I don’t know why it wouldn’t work before, knowing this is acceptable eating, but calculating every nutritional  value and juggling those considerations with what to eat kept me in a jumble.

It was the shitty food I was/had been eating. There’s little additives in there that we don’t really see or taste. Those additives kept me sick (drowning in food fury) and addicted. I QUIT!

Cept… there’s a piece of pumpkin pie left in the fridge I took from the freezer that i took from grandmas.. do i eat it..? I didn’t even eat any pumpkin pie at Thanksgiving. Seems like such a waste.

NO!! These are faulty signals in the brain!

 

Rearrangement of Thought

Rolling into Thanksgiving, there is hope. On the brink of insanity in the world of food, I’ll give it another day before I pull back the reigns. My thoughts – through study of any addiction – say that you’re not ready until you’re ready. Absent from any health issues and oblivious to the pink stamp around my middle, I will add my true desires in regards to being thinner to my thought pattern.

Cut. Paste. I’m bogged down by feeling full and I want to feel lighter. I’m breaking into my own mind and inserting my new bikini. Seems impossible – it’s not.

In my case, there are many factors that contribute to my struggle with weight loss. The true nature of why so many people eat so much is to self-medicate. Taking away “thus medication” requires me to find another way to medicate my mind. It’s not exactly a trade either. Food isn’t just new thinking, it’s new feelings. It’s an adjustment. Don’t be so hard on yourself.

Gastronomical Itch

I fear food. A dynamic of life that I have abused. Gnawing on the last crumbs from the cereal bag, I reach the bottom of the bowl. The milk has reached that stage where it is now a captive sugar bath for the cereal where it either sinks or floats. Now with a new found despisement upon myself, I notice a slimy texture as I put spoon after spoon in my mouth. I get that gagging feeling while finishing the last few bites. What am I doing?? What is this shit?

I am hoping this to be a resting point for my food addiction. A lifetime of low energy and poor concentration, I’ve an itch for finding the foods that make me feel the best.

Here’s a hat.

dscn39161NOM NOM!!

 

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