Binge eating means that I will eat a whole pizza and a half gallon of ice cream for dinner and want a snack of a few tacos a little later while dipping cookies to finish off the box of ice cream while the tacos cook. The crazy thing is that I don’t feel as if I am there while it is all taking place. The eating controls my thoughts and actions. Before I know it I’ve zoomed through the whole thing and I’m left ready to sleep so that I can wake up and unknowingly and do it again, sometime waking up in the middle of the night opening up the other box of ice cream in the freezer to take a few bites and fall back asleep.
I’ve found a less traditional way to counter my unacceptable way of eating, and more importantly, way of thinking. Positioning my mind to fix it, so far, it’s working.
I’m studying the thought patterns of those who have anorexia nervosa disorder.
I stumbled upon a show called Supersize vs. Superskinny. One supersize 400+ pound colossal and a superskinny 100 pound mini agree to living in “the feeding clinic” for several days to a week. A group of each, corralled wearing only their undergarments, are paired up, beginning with a reflection of their extreme physical size differences. While they are checked into this clinic, they switch diets. The fatties – eating up to 5000 calories a day – are trading their meals for the meager 500 calories that their underweight partner generally consumes while the skinny is forced to stuff their face with a smorgasbord. The mentality it holds is quite brilliant.
I watched these episodes for several weeks while I began to reprocess. I started tearing my thoughts apart to see that my way of thinking caused me to leave part of myself way far behind. Pauses and gestures I observed by the superskinny placed pauses in my own mind. My old behaviours are becoming less and less desirable. I have a stifling addiction that I have to learn to comfortably live with or otherwise face the future consequences.
A healthy lifestyle requires a handle that I – until now – never fully developed. Those who are underweight also face a huge obstacle… i don’t fully understand that obstacle … but following their thoughts and actions is helping me “get the picture”, a new healthier picture.
I don’t recommend this approach to anyone with severe mental illness. It’s important that I do not adapt to the opposing spectrum as a new addiction, but as a tool to take notes on how to reach a better self. Seems crazy at 240 pounds, but I am recognizing that it could certainly happen to anyone while observing this light.